She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
