i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
