We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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