thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize