what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
