We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
