Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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