Don't you send me to vm
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
