Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
