I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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