i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
