Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I need a beard to bite.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
