I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
