I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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