tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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