she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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