Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
