$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
