he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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