You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
