Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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