Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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