Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
