im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
