her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
