Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
