I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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