i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
