You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I look better un-naked...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
