so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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