I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
