So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize