Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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