if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
