You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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