No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
