i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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