i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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