I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
