fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
