What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
