OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
