need another drink. this is the easiest way
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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