the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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