Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
