I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
