The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
