On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
