You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
