Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
