Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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