I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
