May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
