i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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