Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
