Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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