he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
