He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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