i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
