I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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