Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
should my penis look like a turkey
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
