your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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