Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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