Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
