Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
