Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
