I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
