I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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