oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
