My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
