he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Someone shattered a urinal.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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