Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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