A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
