Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
