Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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