I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
